


Seven ways to find a man and an elf in bed

by Attenia



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 22:17:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18837889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attenia/pseuds/Attenia
Summary: Seven times when Aragorn and Legolas were walked in on together in bed.





	Seven ways to find a man and an elf in bed

Elrond  
Elrond walked through the halls, wondering where his youngest had gotten to. It was unlike Estel to stay in bed this long, and the elf lord feared he may be sick. Though if he had been, Legolas surely would have called him by now.  
He was surprised but pleased by how quickly the human and prince had become friends. Estel was young – only just of age in human years – and could use more friends outside of Imladris.  
Coming to Estel’s door, Elrond knocked, tilting his head to the side as he listened to the scuffling noises from within the room. Fearing something was amiss, he threw the door open, striding inside.  
The scene he was found was not what he had expected. The bedcovers were a mess, and both Estel’s and Legolas’ clothes lay strewn over the floor. Elrond’s sharp eye caught the slight wobble of the wardrobe door, as though it had just swung closed.  
He strode over to it and yanked it open. He was met with the sight of his very naked son, wrapped in the arms of the equally naked prince of Greenwood. Estel winced, and Legolas’ cheeks took on the color of a ripe tomato.  
Elrond said nothing. He raised The Eyebrow, watching Estel cower under its gaze. For several seconds, he let them twist in the wind, before, without a word, turning and walking out. Neither Estel nor Legolas saw the slight smile playing on his lips. 

Estel groaned. “That wasn’t how I wanted him to find out.”  
“Do you think he approves?”  
“We’ll find out soon enough. If he sends in Glorfindel to take off your head, I think we can safely assume he doesn’t approve. If we’re both still here in about half an hour, we’re probably safe.”  
Legolas gave a shaky laugh. “You’re going to need to see the locksmith about getting a lock fitted on that door. I don’t think I’ll be able to focus if anyone could walk in on us at any minute.”  
Estel’s eyes gleamed. “Is that a challenge?” His hand sneaked down to Legolas’ now flaccid cock, which immediately started to rise under the man’s touch.  
“Estel,” Legolas moaned. “The lock…”  
“I’ll contact the locksmith later today. For now, we have some unfinished business.”  
“But anyone could walk in on us in bed…”  
Estel gave him a wicked smile. “Who said anything about the bed?” Some of the coats in the wardrobe were pushed aside as the man knelt down, giving no warning before he took Legolas’ cock into his mouth.  
As a prince, Legolas prided himself on his ability to conduct himself with dignity and decorum. There was absolutely no dignity or decorum in the way he clutched Estel’s hair and thrust shamelessly into his mouth, or in the way his legs gave out when he finally came hard enough to rend him from his senses.  
He supposed that couldn’t be helped. Perhaps, later, it would bother him, but for now, Legolas’ mind was too hazy with pleasure to take in anything much other than the coat hanger that was jabbing painfully into his backside.

 

Elladan and Elrohir  
“Why?” Elladan puzzled at the door, speaking quietly so as not to disturb whatever secret workings Estel had going on in there.  
“I don’t know, but I bet Ada does.” Elrohir bent down to get a closer look at the door handle. “He had that look yesterday – you know, that insufferable one that says he knows something we don’t.”  
“Well, whatever it is, I think it’s high time we found out. We can’t have our little brother keeping secrets from us, can we?”  
“Not at all,” Elrohir agreed. “You have your lock picks?”  
“Never go anywhere without them, not since that time you locked me in the bathroom and didn’t tell anyone where I was for two days.”  
Elrohir grinned and stood back, giving Elladan space to pick the lock.  
It only took a few minutes, and Elladan eased the door open, creeping inside. They were greeted with the sight of their brother – minus his pants – lying on his back on the bed. Legolas was seated between his legs, with Estel’s cock deep in his mouth.  
Elladan couldn’t help it. He sniggered, which quickly turned into an outright laugh. Elrohir wasn’t far behind him, and the two of them clutched each other for support. Who would have thought it, their little brother and the prince of Greenwood!  
Estel yelped and Legolas jerked away from him, grabbing the covers and pulling them up to his chin, even though he was only missing his shirt.  
“Don’t – don’t let us interrupt you,” Elrohir managed to get out between fits of laughter.  
“I can see why you locked the door. Try a dead bolt next time, Estel.”  
Howling with laughter, the twins exited the room, closing the door behind them.

“This time wasn’t my fault,” Aragorn muttered. “I locked the door, I swear it.”  
Cursing under his breath, Legolas pulled on his shirt and went to examine the door handle. “They picked the lock, the bastards. Ooh, I’m going to get them for this.”  
“Fine, we can plan the perfect prank later, but first…” Aragorn gestured down, where his rock hard cock was creating a small tent in the blanket, and causing no small amount of discomfort.  
Legolas grinned. “Of course.”  
“Shouldn’t your elf hearing have picked up them destroying our lock?”  
“I was somewhat distracted,” Legolas murmured.  
Aragorn would have replied, but at that moment, Legolas once more swallowed his cock, and he suddenly couldn’t think about anything other than the prince’s clever tongue and hot, wet mouth.  
Legolas broke away with a cry when the door opened again. “GO AWAY!” he hollered.  
This time, no one came in. Instead, someone tossed a jar into the room, which landed with a plop on the middle of the bed.  
Aragorn reached for it, finding it filled with a lubrication cream. “I’m going to kill the twins.”  
Legolas was examining the cream with interest. “Not until they tell us where they got this.”

 

Thranduil  
“My – my lord.” Eler stumbled over his own feet and nearly dropped his spear, which was most unlike the guard, who was usually extremely competent.  
Thranduil peered at him, wondering if Eler was ill. The guard was placed right in front of the door, blocking the way. “I’d like to see my son, Eler.”  
Eler paled. “Um, your highness, he’s – he’s… um… asleep.”  
Thranduil raised his eyebrows. “It’s almost noon.”  
“Yes, my lord – that is – he was up late last night, I think.”  
“Doing what?”  
“Paperwork?” Eler was wincing and still not moving from the doorway.  
“Paperwork. Eler, do you know my son? When has he ever voluntarily done paperwork?”  
Eler gulped. “Um…”  
Thranduil had had enough of his. He brushed Eler aside and strode into the room.  
Eler hadn’t been lying; Legolas was indeed asleep, from what little of his son he could see. Most of the prince was obscured by the naked body of a man. Thranduil shook his head slightly, half-expecting the sight to disappear, but there it was – more of Elrond’s human son than he’d ever wanted to see, draped over Legolas, who also looked to be naked.  
Thranduil folded his arms, glaring down at the two of them. He suspected he knew what Legolas had been ‘busy’ with last night, and it wasn’t paperwork. He cleared his throat loudly.  
Legolas murmured sleepily, and pressed a kiss to Estel’s forehead. Estel woke and simply burrowed his head further into Legolas’s neck.  
Thranduil cleared his throat again, louder this time.  
That got their attention. Estel made an extremely undignified squeaking noise, while Legolas rolled to the side and snatched his knife, only lowering it when he realized who was in the room.  
“A-Ada.” He grabbed a blanket and pulled it over himself and Estel. “I… wasn’t expecting you.”  
Thranduil turned his glare to Estel, who Legolas quickly tried to shield with his own body, to little effect. “Do you love my son, Estel?”  
Estel gaped at him for a moment before answering. “Y-yes, hir nin. More than anything.”  
“And do you love him, Legolas?”  
“I do, Ada.”  
“And you are both happy?”  
“Yes,” they chorused.  
Thranduil took several deep breaths. “Very well.” He turned to leave, but stopped at the door. “I’ll be expecting grandchildren.”

Aragorn and Legolas slumped back to the bed. Legolas put a trembling hand over his eyes, while Aragorn was surreptitiously touching his throat, half-surprised that he still had his head.  
“I can’t believe that just happened,” Legolas whispered. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.”  
“Hey, it’s only fair, now both of our fathers have caught us.”  
The prince just shook his head.  
“Did he really just accept us?”  
A grin slowly started spreading across Legolas’ face. “You know, I think he did.”  
“Though I don’t know how he expects us to give him grandchildren.”  
“Oh Estel, there is much I must still teach you,” Legolas laughed. “With a little help from Mithrandir, we can easily give Ada the grandchildren he wants.”  
“That’s if Mithrandir agrees to help.”  
“Do you know my father? Would you say no to him?”  
Aragorn gulped, imagining the scene. “Not a chance.”  
Legolas smirked. “I thought not.”

 

Gimli  
Gimli had just about given up, but he really needed to talk to Legolas. Their last hunting contest had been entirely unfair. The blasted elf had grown up in the woods. He couldn’t expect Gimli to be his match the first time in Lothlorien, and the dwarf was set to demand a rematch.  
“Haldir! Have you seen Legolas?”  
Haldir paused at Gimli’s call, seemingly ill at ease. “Yes, he is with Estel.”  
“Where?”  
“In the big oak to the south, but I think you should give them some privacy.”  
“Nonsense, that elf owes me a rematch!”  
Haldir rolled his eyes and muttered something that might have been ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you’, but Gimli wasn’t paying attention any longer. He ascended to the flet in question with no small amount of grunting and grumbling. He was sure the elf would be able to hear him from a mile off, but there was no preventing that. Damn elven hearing.  
Gimli finally stumbled onto the flet. He promptly squeezed his eyes shut, but he couldn’t unsee what he’d just seen: Legolas and Aragorn entwined in bed together. Of course, he’d seen the both naked before, that was unavoidable when you were travelling together. What he’d never expected or wanted to see was Aragorn on his back, his legs propped up on Legolas’ shoulders, as the elf thrust into him in at an ever-increasing pace.  
“Yes, like that,” Aragorn murmured breathlessly, and Gimli clapped his hands over his ears. He wanted to leave, but he was sure that any movement would alert them to his presence. He’d never wished so badly that he could become invisible.  
Despite his hands over his ears, he couldn’t block out Aragorn’s loud cry of pleasure, or Legolas’ even louder shout a few moments later.  
After a few seconds, the dwarf peeked through slitted eyes, to find both man and elf looking at him, their expressions resigned. Gimli opened his mouth, then closed it again when no words came out. Finally, he managed to force his thick tongue into speaking. “I want a rematch, elf.”  
Then he turned abruptly and started down the ladder, trying very hard to forget what he’d just seen.

Legolas chuckled softly. “Well, I suppose it had to happen sometime. I think we scarred him.”  
“His face was priceless,” Estel agreed. “We really do seem to have bad luck, don’t we? By the time this war is done, I swear there won’t be a person in Middle Earth who hasn’t walked in on us in bed.”  
“Yes, well, there are worse fates. And since it seems a certain interrupting dwarf will be keeping his distance for now, how about we take advantage of this delightful strawberry jam Haldir left us?” To punctuate his words, Legolas started dribbling the jam onto the man’s body.  
Aragorn could only pant as Legolas started licking strawberry jam off his chest. 

 

Frodo  
“Strider, I –”  
“No, laddie, you don’t want to go that way.” Gimli caught him around the waist and quickly tugged him away.  
“But I need to talk to Strider.” They’d moored the Lothlorien boats just an hour earlier and were setting up camp for the night.  
“Not unless you want to get your eyes burned,” Gimli warned.  
Frodo didn’t understand the strange warning, figuring it must be a bad translation from Dwarfish, and he shook Gimli off. He’d decided to tell Strider about the creature following them.  
It seemed Strider was already bedded down for the night. He’d placed his bedroll slightly away from everyone else’s. That was definitely his bedroll, but he didn’t appear to be alone in it.  
“Strider?”  
The ranger didn’t look to have heard him, and Frodo edged forward. When he managed to get a view of what was happening, Frodo felt his face going bright red.  
Strider and Legolas were entwined in one bedroll, kissing so fiercely that it was hard to tell whose tongue was whose. As he watched, Strider pushed a hand under the bedroll. Frodo couldn’t see what he was doing, but it caused Legolas to arch up and gasp, his hands clutching Strider’s hair.  
Frodo started to retreat, quietly as only a hobbit can be quiet, praying they wouldn’t notice him. To his relief, he managed to escape to the rest of camp.  
“Mister Frodo? Is something wrong?”  
“My eyes are burning, Sam,” he muttered, hurrying toward the river, with the intention of dunking his face in it. 

Aragorn broke away at a truly horrendous racket. He glanced over his shoulder to see one of the hobbits walking toward him and dragging a pot that had several metal spoons in it.  
Legolas was already reacting, extracting himself from the bedroll and pulling his clothes on in record time.  
“Frodo, what are you doing?” Aragorn hissed. “You’re making enough noise to wake the dead!”  
“Sorry, Strider. I just… didn’t want to surprise you. Sam says to tell you that dinner’s ready.”  
The ranger shook his head. He’d never understand hobbits. Legolas gave him a hand up, and the two of them followed Frodo at a distance.  
“Do you think he saw us?” the prince murmured.  
“I would say so. Did you see how he was looking at us? We may as well have been a dragon about to bite his head off! And here I was congratulating myself on managing to ravish you without being walked in on.”  
“Perhaps you should simply get used to ravishing me in front of the fellowship.”  
Aragorn raised his eyebrows. They had done their best to keep their relationship private from their companions, but it was becoming more work than it was worth. “Alright, if you’re ok with it.”  
It seemed that Legolas was an elf who did not understand the meaning of subtlety, because he thought an appropriate way to announce themselves to their companions was to throw himself into Aragorn’s lap at dinner and start kissing and groping him right there.  
All in all, it was an interesting evening. 

 

Eowyn  
“My lady? Can I help you?”  
“I was just looking for Lord Aragorn.”  
Gimli grimaced. “He’s busy right now.”  
“Oh – I only want to speak to him for a moment. We’ve barely gotten to talk since he fell off that cliff. I won’t be long.”  
The dwarf rolled his eyes. “Fine, ignore my advice, but don’t come crying to me afterward.”  
Eowyn was too eager to see Aragorn to think much on Gimli’s words, and she hurried to his room, forgetting to knock in her haste.  
She was brought up short of by the sight of Aragorn, naked in bed, and not alone.  
Legolas was on his back, his legs spread wide. Aragorn had his fingers deep inside the elf and was thrusting slowly in and out.  
“Estel – if you keep doing that – I’m going – going to – oh yes, right there – just like that – RIGHT THERE, ESTEL, YES, YES!” The elf cried out loudly enough to shake the foundations of Helm’s Deep as he reached his release.  
Eowyn found that her feet seemed to be glued to the ground. She couldn’t take her eyes off the pair. She was so stupid. Of course, she could never have had Aragorn. His heart belonged to another.  
Legolas finally seemed to have his breath back, and he turned his head to her, apparently unsurprised. “Hello, Eowyn.”  
Aragorn winced as he turned and gave her a very forced smile. “My lady.”  
“I’m sorry – forgive me.” Eowyn grabbed her skirts and fled, ignoring Gimli’s ‘I told you so’ as she left.

Estel sighed. “I’ve broken her heart.”  
“It had to happen sometime.”  
“You knew she was there, didn’t you?” the human accused.  
“I could sense a presence, but in case you hadn’t noticed, Estel, my mind was elsewhere.”  
That got a grin from the man. “I suppose I’ll take it as a testament to my skill.”  
“Speaking of skill…” In a moment, Legolas had flipped them, so that Estel was now under him. “Time to return the favor,” he whispered. He found Estel’s cock as hard as a bar of iron, and smiled in satisfaction. It didn’t take long to prepare his lover, and soon, Legolas had Estel shouting every bit as loudly as he had been before.  
“Keep it down in there, you two, you’re going to cause an earthquake!” Gimli hollered.  
Neither of them paid him any mind, not until they were both sated and recovering in each other’s arms. “He’s just bad tempered because he thought you were dead.” Legolas pressed a kiss to Aragorn’s sweaty forehead. “Never do that to me again, by the way.”  
“I’ll try not to, meleth nin. And I’m sure that Gimli’s lack of sleep has something to do with his mood. We really should work on being more quiet, you know.”  
“Maybe… or maybe I should see just how loud I can make you scream.”  
There was indeed a small earthquake that night, but Aragorn and Legolas would go to their graves insisting that they’d had nothing to do with it.

 

Faramir  
Faramir took a deep, steadying breath. He could do this. He’d faced down armies of orcs, trolls and much worse. This was nothing, really.  
His hand hovered over the door handle. Every horror story he’d ever heard – from his wife, the guards, the palace servants and a number of nobles – ran through his mind. He wouldn’t make a guard do this, though. Aragorn had asked him, Faramir, to call him when the delegation from Erebor arrived, and he would not be so cowardly as to force the unpleasant duty on someone else.  
Faramir knocked swiftly, and when there was no response, he stepped hesitantly inside. He was prepared for anything, and he had heard some truly surprising things from the various people who had walked in on the king and his husband.  
He crept from the outer room to the bed chamber. Just get it over and done with. It can’t possibly be worse than what Eowyn witnessed.  
When he got to the bed chamber, he realized that he’d squeezed his eyes shut, and forced them open.  
Faramir blinked, unable to believe his eyes.  
Aragorn and Legolas were under the covers, both, by the looks of it, dressed in their bed clothes. The king’s head was resting on the elf’s shoulder, and Legolas had his arm around the man. It was… cute. More importantly, Faramir wasn’t scarred in the slightest.  
He couldn’t help it. He laughed. Eowyn was going to be furious. She’d been expecting to hear a tale of horrors similar to what she had endured, and instead, she was going to get a description of the king’s night clothes.  
“Faramir? Is everything ok?”  
He realized that Aragorn had awoken, and was staring at him as though questioning his sanity, for he was still chuckling. “Yes, my lord, everything is excellent on this fine morning! The delegation from Erebor has arrived. I came to wake you.”  
“Thanks, Faramir, I’ll be right there.”

Aragorn puzzled after his steward as the man left. He’d seldom seen Faramir so lighthearted, slightly hysterical giggling aside.  
“Legolas. Wake up.”  
His husband’s eyes opened at once. “Estel.”  
They kissed for several minutes before Aragorn reluctantly broke away. “We need to get up. The Erebor delegation is here. Faramir just came to wake us.”  
Legolas chuckled. “Well, at least we were clothed this time. Not that the palace needs any more rumors about us. Do you know, I’ve had at least three young men approach me for advice on how to please their lovers? You really need to learn to be quieter.”  
“Where’s the fun in that?” Aragorn kissed him once more before reluctantly getting out of bed. “Come on, Gimli is waiting for us. You know what he’ll assume if we’re late.”  
“More interesting things than we can come up with ourselves, that’s for sure.”  
The two of them dressed quickly, and hand in hand, went to meet the delegation.


End file.
